One place where everything comes together
Reading Time: 4 minutes If you’re looking around your life baffled by why someone else is showing up as a class one asshole, you probably don’t need to look any further than yourself for the explanation. Your self-worth is sub-par, probably really subpar. You’ve got work on you to do.
You can’t change anyone else. You can only change you.
Work on yourself.
Love on yourself.
Be with yourself tenderly.
Reading Time: 6 minutes The approach of this sentiment is to gain empathy or understanding from the other person by encouraging them to imagine that the rape or abuse could have happened to their female family member. People would most likely assume that by using this retort, the person might think ‘Oh gosh, yes, I would hate it if that happened to my own daughter, maybe I need to re-evaluate why I blame women and girls for rape?’
The reality is a little bit murkier than that. The reality is less optimistic and less effective than that.
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Reading Time: 3 minutes I’m learning to celebrate the small victories. My son ate a bowl of homemade soup BEFORE he ate mac and cheese. My husband and I managed to get through a whole weekend at home without having adult meltdowns. I started walking my son into school again, because, well I felt guilty and sometimes it’s just easier. We move forward and we regress. That’s real life I think. That’s normal human growth. My life is a mess and I’m gonna be ok with that.
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Reading Time: 3 minutes Rape roleplay isn’t inherently bad or good, but I’m curious about your partner’s interest in it, and his role in it.
When children play games it’s not unusual for them to sometimes choose the “villain” role, because role play is a safe(r) way to experience something new, but it’s disconcerting and suggests a power imbalance if he pressures you to proceed with this, especially if he knows that you’ve been hurt by a rapist in real life.
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Reading Time: 8 minutes He cheats, or he shoves you to the floor in a fight and you didn’t see it coming. You freeze in place, like a deer in the headlights. Then one of two things is going to happen. Either you’re going to flee or you aren’t, but if you don’t flee, chances are you will experience “boundary blowout”. Then, because you have to, you will start lying to yourself and everyone else. You won’t see it exactly that way, but that’s exactly what it is.
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Reading Time: 5 minutes Despite what your Instagram says, sometimes the best thing to do is to make the most of the job you have while looking for the one that will stoke your passions. After all, a lot of us have hard time feeling blissful when we’re concerned about being evicted or don’t know where our next meal is coming from! So, if you find yourself in this position, here are some tips that can transform the way you look at your work while you are in the midst of getting ready for your next move.
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Reading Time: 8 minutes The first thing I want to tell you is that you are not to blame for the actions, behaviours and choices of the abuser. Make this your mantra. You are never responsible or to blame for the actions of another adult who chose to harm you for their own gratification. Take zero percent of the blame. Accept zero responsibility.
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Reading Time: 5 minutes I don’t think I ever knew real anger until I became a parent. Before that, my world was a tightly controlled environment, a carefully curated timeline of events and experiences designed to keep my anxiety and boredom at bay. I knew parenting would be hard, but I had no idea that it would undo me, at times completely. When I first felt rage, I was shocked. I had never before experienced a surge of energy so strong that I thought I could actually kill someone with my bare hands. It terrified me. I went to a therapist I had been seeing for awhile and she freaked out–I think she thought I was losing my mind. I wanted to say–but don’t mothers get angry sometimes? Because THIS sucks. But I didn’t, I just stopped going to therapy and tried to figure out how to deal with my newly found emotional turmoil myself.
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Reading Time: 6 minutes I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
Now is an exceptionally good time to turn the news off.
Take more than a break. Take a sabbatical.
It’s ok to power down, unplug, and refocus on your life without the input.
Seriously, if something is happening you really need to know, like an asteroid hurling towards earth, someone will tell you.
At this point, the news is an anxiety-inducing adrenaline pumping experience. Chances are pretty high if you unplug you’ll actually go through a detox. However, that is the very reason to do it. You and your body probably need a reset.
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Reading Time: 7 minutes Online dating is nothing more than a massive and complex focus machine.
If you get yourself set up online, and you use that massive pool of data to focus on what you want, the algorithms within the game and in “reality” as a larger universe will respond by delivering more of that.
Conversely, the opposite is true. If you get distracted by all the fray in the online dating environment, the algorithms won’t work for you – well they will work, but just not in the way you want them to. You can tell what you’re focusing on based on the results you’re getting online and in the real world.
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