On Repairing My Relationship with The Universe.. (or whatever)
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By: Sara Rhiannon
I say it that way intentionally.
Because, every God-replacing term I’ve ever heard just feels like another fawn response to me.
I figure if I can create human relationships that allow for deep, authentic, emotional intimacy?
Then you bet your ass I’m not settling for a relationship with God/Universe/Life that puts me in a position of pleasing or awkward pandering.
I want to have a real, working relationship with whatever life’s mystery truly is.
I do not seek to worship, please it or even serve it.
I do not seek to be one-sided or even transactional in my engagement with it, either.
In all honesty, I want it to be very similar to the adult relationships I love the most.
The ones that consistently remind me I’m not weird, not alone, not too loud, not too much and that nothing’s wrong with me.
(So yeah, none of that “change me prayer” shit.)
I deeply trust myself and the course of my own natural evolution.
If there’s anything I’ve learned over the last few months, it’s that the BEST, most amazing evolutionary waves are the ones that I never in a million years would want to rush or expedite.
It’s not easy to trust at this level in a world that tells us we aren’t living unless we’re getting more done in less time.
Perhaps there’s a time and place for when that can be truly useful, but this ain’t that.
A few weeks ago, I decided that if I’m going to even have a relationship with “all that is,” it has to be on my terms.
Because, ya know, creating my own reality and all..
And my standards are that I won’t have a relationship with anyone or anything that is predicated on me being in a trauma response or being different than I am.
I refuse to engage with the universe from a place of perfectionistic pleasing, which is really the only thing I knew how to do when spirituality felt captivating to me.
I wasn’t raised to be a god fearing person. In fact, I wasn’t raised with religion at all, but never the less, those subconscious programs run deep enough in everything we do in this part of the world that there’s just no escaping internalizing that.
The good new age girl programming isn’t so different than what we might call the good catholic school girl programming, in case you haven’t noticed.
With that, my terms are as follows:
That I feel safe talking with it in the exact same way I would with someone I feel genuinely connected with, seen, understood and loved by.
That I only express gratitude that feels truthful.
That I only express gratitude AS I am sincerely moved to.
(Gratitude and constant thank you’s is sometimes just another way of apologizing and fawning. Have you noticed?)
ALL my thoughts, feelings, musings, weirdness and all parts of myself must be equally valued and welcome to the conversation. (None of this high vibe vs low vibe shit.)
I am willing and fully available for deep listening.
And, being heard is a non-negotiable.
***
Once I figured this out, I wrote the most honest note to the universe I’ve ever written.
(Notes to the universe…that actually sounds more interesting to me than notes from the universe, which les be honest, are really just notes from Mike Dooley.) 🤷🏼♀️
It’s been a really interesting few weeks of writing notes whenever I feel called to, developing an honest relationship that works, and mostly just hanging out the same way I would with anyone who’s worth my time.
(And hey, she/they/he actually laugh at my crude, f-bomb sense of humor.)
I even started using a beautiful divination card deck I’ve had for over a year but never touched.
It’s really nice and lovely to experience this level of synchronicity again.
I really missed it.
More by Sara:
A few thoughts on calling in, calling out, white feelings and safe spaces
Sara Rhiannon is a certified hypnotherapist, parenting coach and life coach. For the last three years she’s helped hundreds of clients transform their subconscious minds and create incredible results in their lives and businesses. She’s helped clients deeply shift their subconscious money beliefs to create their first $5k months, their first $10k months and even scale from consistent $40k months to $50k months. She’s helped women heal from emotional, physical and sexual trauma they never imagined would be possible to fully resolve. She has also helped many clients overcome fear of public speaking, fear of flying, panic attacks as well as a laundry list of fears and phobias. She specializes in helping women forever heal trauma, shame and anxiety so that they can create the results they want in life and business
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