Inquiring Minds Want to Know: Why Do Some People Like to Refer to their Sexual Partners as “Daddy”?
Q: Why do some people like to refer to their sexual partners as Daddy? Why is that a thing?
A: In beginning to draft a response to this question, I found myself in the realization that only other folks can speak properly to their reasons why they use this term for their partner(s) during sex or in general, so I asked around. From people of various genders, ages 18 and up here are some of their responses:
“My parents are extremely religious and very negative about sex and my sexuality. Calling a partner daddy kind of feels like a fuck-you to the residual feelings of shame that my parents instilled in me. It’s also kind of fun because of the power dynamic that I experienced as a kid, with my parents in charge. Now that I’m grown it’s kind of fun to play with words like that when I’m being submissive in sexual situations.”
“I call my girlfriend Daddy because it turns her on. It’s a huge turn on for me to please someone, intensely or in ways that they haven’t been pleased before.”
“I call my partner daddy; we have a very healthy sex life and this is the first partner I’ve ever had that where I enjoy our intimacy wholeheartedly and I believe it’s because of his dominance and my willingness for it. Calling him Daddy only happens during sexual activities or if I’m being a little brat and want to get a rise of him.”
“For me, calling someone daddy is less about them being an actual daddy – they can be male or female. It’s about the power dynamic exchange and the ownership of a caring, compassionate dominant. Being a little girl is the ultimate release for me because it takes me back to a time when the pressures of life didn’t exist.”
“I actually love calling my girlfriend Mommy when we fuck/play. I am currently working through sexual trauma and calling her “mommy” and allowing her to top me has helped my brain make the connection that sex and dominance can come from a loving, nurturing, and caring place. It has been a fun and kinky way to add an extra level of care in our sex life.”
“I call my husband daddy because I don’t have any dad whatsoever, and any other man in my life has been a sexual predator. My mom married a sex offender. So it’s the first time in my life that I’ve been able to associate that word with love, trust, and protection.”
“I call him Daddy because he takes care of me, supports me, nurtures me on many levels, and I’m lucky enough not to be working right now she/he takes care of me that way also.”
“I call my partner Daddy because my real birth father is in the local kink community, he heads a board and teaches classes about consent and polyamory, and goes by “Sir/Master” in his dynamic with his wife. I never actually called my dad “daddy” as a child so when my partner and I initially discussed nicknames, that one felt the least weird to me.”
“I like to use Daddy if they like it. I’m a submissive and it makes me happy, it pleases them. I’m all about pleasure.”
“I use Daddy when they take on the role of providing for me in some way, it gives them a spot of importance in my life. Or, I use it sarcastically when someone is trying to control me.”
“My boyfriend and I were having a threesome and the other woman started calling him daddy (it was one of her kinks) and later when we were reminiscing he told me how much he likes it, previous partners have used it too. It turns him on and makes him feel good, so now I call him daddy in bed sometimes. It feels like a way to let him feel dominant in the bedroom besides calling him by his name only.”
“I like to call my sexual partner daddy because he nurtures and cares for me in a way that no one else can. It’s a special aspect of our relationship, much like parent-child relationship is special on a safe and supportive level.”
People use “daddy” as a term of endearment or arousal for various reasons that have to do with their attitudes around provider roles, masculinity and tenderness of men or masculine folks. People also use daddy as a way of experimenting in power roles and dynamics that are shaped by society and our histories. Additionally, it is important to acknowledge that some folks utilize the word as a means to rework their relationships after trauma. The choice to use “daddy” is a complex one for some, and a very popular one; I’ve never received so much feedback as when I solicited this answer to my readers.
Even though it can be confusing or upsetting to folks, it’s important to consider the reasons why individuals and partners find comfort or excitement in such a loaded word. And if we feel confused about the use of “daddy” or other taboo terms, I suggest to the reader that you consider what it brings up for you, rather than judge other people who might already know their reasons for using “daddy” or any other kinky term of endearment.
More by Elle:
Elle Stanger is a queer femme sex worker and parent. Listen to her award-nominated UnzippedPDX podcast on iTunes and find her at stripperwriter.com.
Elle is available for email coaching by appointment at ellestangerpdx@gmail.com.
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