Why Women’s Safety Shouldn’t Depend on ‘Good Men’
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By: Lisa M. Hayes
For centuries, we’ve been told that the solution to male violence is good men.
“Not all men.”
“Real men protect women.”
“You just need to find a man who respects you.”
We are told that safety is not about our power—it’s about their goodness.
But let’s be brutally clear:
Women’s safety should never depend on the kindness of men.
Because kindness doesn’t stop bullets.
Because respect doesn’t prevent assault.
Because all the “good men” in the world don’t erase the fact that male violence is still one of the greatest threats to women globally.
The world doesn’t need more good men.
It needs more powerful women.
The Problem With ‘Good Men Will Protect You’
The idea that “good men” are the answer to women’s safety sounds comforting, but it comes with a cost.
If your safety relies on being protected by a man, then it isn’t yours—it’s borrowed. Protection given can be protection revoked. If your well-being depends on aligning yourself with “the right kind of man,” then your life is still in male hands. It’s just a softer, more insidious form of control.
This belief also ignores the numbers. The vast majority of violence against women is committed by men they know—husbands, boyfriends, family members, coworkers, pastors, mentors. How many of these men looked “good” before they became a threat?
When we say “good men will protect you,” we also erase the reality that women have been protecting themselves and each other for generations. Women don’t survive because good men step in to save them. They survive because they are strategic, because they know how to navigate danger, because they’ve been conditioned to assess every risk in a world that refuses to hold men accountable.
The system wants us to believe that the only way to be safe is to be aligned with the right kind of man. But here’s the truth:
Safety isn’t granted. It’s taken. It’s built. It’s fought for.
And that starts with power, not permission.
How Women Stay Safe: Power, Not Permission
If we want real safety, we need to stop outsourcing it to men.
Women need to know how to fight back. Not just metaphorically, not just in policy debates, but physically. Every woman should know how to hurt someone who tries to hurt her. That means self-defense training. That means carrying weapons where legal. That means knowing exactly how to react if someone puts their hands on you.
Women are constantly told that weapons make situations worse. But worse for whom? Whose safety is really being protected when we discourage women from being armed, prepared, and ready to defend themselves?
Legal protection matters, too. Women should not have to rely on the mercy of the courts when they defend themselves against an abuser. Too many women fight back and end up in jail, while their attackers walk free. The justice system is not failing women—it is functioning exactly as it was designed to. And as long as women are punished for saving their own lives, we cannot call this system just.
Economic independence is another unspoken key to safety. Many women stay in violent situations because they cannot afford to leave. Abusers know this. Control is not just physical—it is financial, emotional, and systemic. A woman with her own resources is significantly harder to control. That is why, throughout history, every push for women’s safety has also been a push for women’s economic freedom.
And perhaps, most importantly, we need to dismantle the idea that women should be grateful for basic decency. A man choosing not to harm you is not an act of heroism. It is the absolute bare minimum of being human. Women should not have to earn safety by being “respectable,” “obedient,” or “likable.” They should not have to prove they are the “right” kind of victim to be worthy of justice.
Women deserve safety because they exist. Full stop.
We Don’t Need Good Men. We Need Fewer Dangerous Ones.
The conversation needs to shift.
It’s not about asking men to protect women.
It’s about stopping men from hurting women in the first place.
Because if a woman’s safety depends on the presence of a good man, then she is never truly safe.
The solution has never been “find a good man.”
The solution has always been giving women the tools to fight, defend, and rule their own lives.
A world where women’s survival depends on male protection is a world where we are still not free.
And freedom?
That’s what we’re coming for.
🔥 No more borrowed safety. No more asking nicely. We take our power back now. 🔥
Lisa Hayes is a life coach, writer, and editor of Confluence Daily, specializing in social issues, political issues, and mental health. Her work has appeared in publications like Huffington Post and Real Simple. She is also the Communications Director for a local fire department in Mexico and runs a life coach training program called The Coaching Guild.
