How Decentering Men in Our Lives Can Undermine Christian Nationalism
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By: Lisa M. Hayes
Christian nationalism thrives on control—control of women, of bodies, of choices, and of the very structure of our lives. Its foundation is rooted in patriarchy, where men are the default leaders, providers, protectors, and rulers, and everyone else is expected to fall in line beneath them. This isn’t just a coincidence; the far right’s power depends on a system that keeps men at the center of everything.
If you want to destabilize that system, here’s one radical, everyday act of resistance: decenter men in your life.
Why Decentering Men is Revolutionary
The Christian nationalist vision of the world is one where men lead and everyone else submits. It’s not just about religion—it’s about power. The far right thrives on patriarchal family structures, male-dominated churches, and a political agenda that elevates men while controlling women, LGBTQ+ people, and anyone who doesn’t fit their mold.
When we decenter men, we disrupt the system they rely on to stay in power. We reject the idea that men should be at the top of every hierarchy, the center of every decision, and the focus of every relationship. We undermine the core of their ideology and make space for something freer, something wilder, something better.
What Decentering Men Looks Like
Decentering men doesn’t mean hating them or excluding them. It means rethinking how we prioritize them in our lives, our communities, and even our minds. It means asking hard questions like:
- Are men the default leaders in your circles?
- Do you measure your worth by how men see you or validate you?
- Are your decisions shaped by how they’ll affect the men around you?
Decentering men is about shifting that focus—to ourselves, to each other, to the people and communities who’ve been ignored for too long.
Here’s how it plays out in practice:
1. Stop Making Men the Default Leaders
Christian nationalism depends on male leadership—whether it’s in the church, the home, or the government. When we create spaces where leadership is shared or where women, nonbinary, and queer people take the lead, we shatter that model. We prove that power doesn’t need to flow through men to be valid or effective.
Start in your own life: Who’s making decisions in your family, your workplace, or your community? Challenge the default. Build spaces where leadership is collaborative, inclusive, and equitable.
2. Stop Seeking Validation from the Male Gaze
The patriarchy survives by convincing women that their value lies in how desirable or useful they are to men. Christian nationalism amplifies this by idealizing women as submissive wives, modest mothers, and silent helpers.
Decentering men means rejecting this framework entirely. Your worth isn’t tied to how men see you. It’s tied to how you see yourself, how you love yourself, and how you show up for your community.
Wear what you want. Speak how you want. Make choices that prioritize your joy and freedom, not their approval.
3. Prioritize Relationships That Aren’t Centered on Men
One of the most radical things you can do in a world built on patriarchal control is to build relationships outside of it. That means prioritizing friendships, communities, and partnerships that aren’t centered on men or their approval.
- Invest in deep, nourishing friendships with women and nonbinary people.
- Build chosen families where power is shared, not hoarded.
- Collaborate with others to create networks of care and support that don’t rely on traditional, male-dominated structures.
These kinds of connections destabilize Christian nationalism because they challenge the idea that the nuclear family (headed by a man) is the only valid way to live.
4. Reject Their Rules About Love and Sex
Christian nationalism ties women’s value to their relationships with men—whether it’s the ideal of the obedient wife or the purity culture that controls women’s sexuality. Decentering men means breaking those chains.
Love who you love. Sleep with who you want—or no one at all. Build relationships based on mutual respect, not patriarchal roles. Every time you reject their rules about love and sex, you reject their control over your body and your choices.
5. Use Your Voice Loudly and Unapologetically
The far right thrives on silence. They want women and marginalized people to stay quiet, to shrink, to defer to men in every room. Decentering men means refusing to do that. It means using your voice boldly, whether it’s to challenge a policy, call out injustice, or simply take up space in a world that tells you to be small.
Why This Matters
When we decenter men, we undermine the systems that keep Christian nationalism alive. We reject their hierarchies, their rules, their power structures. We show them that their way isn’t the only way—and that their grip on power is far more fragile than they’d like us to believe.
But more than that, decentering men creates space for liberation. It gives us the freedom to imagine new ways of living, leading, and loving—ways that aren’t bound by patriarchy or control. It lets us build communities where everyone has a seat at the table, not just the men at the head of it.
So, if you’re ready to fight back against Christian nationalism, start here.
Start by shifting the focus. Start by decentering men. Start by reclaiming your own power because the most radical thing you can do in a system that demands your submission is to live fully, freely, and unapologetically for yourself.
Lisa Hayes is a life coach, writer, and editor of Confluence Daily, specializing in social issues, political issues, and mental health. Her work has appeared in publications like Huffington Post and Real Simple. She is also the Communications Director for a local fire department in Mexico and runs a life coach training program called The Coaching Guild.
