Is Finding the Man Really That Important? Maybe Not.
Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
By: Lisa M. Hayes
The trad-wife Mormon-farm-core aesthetic peddled on social media as aspirational is nothing more than the commercialization of the husband-centered nuclear family blueprint for free labor and oppression of women we’ve been trying to claw our way out of for decades. Women are taught from the time they are old enough to hold a doll that motherhood is everything and finding a man is a prize—newsflash: not always.
Now, bear in mind that I am a straight woman married to a man I love. So, take it for what it’s worth, but I am going to say something that is likely to piss almost everyone off: The fairytale of the nuclear family isn’t always best for children. In fact, often it is not. A traditional mom, dad, and 2.5 kid-style family can only be as healthy as the father—and most men in our society aren’t healthy.
Women are programmed to obsess about romantic love with men. However, setting up your entire life to be available for that romantic love with a man might not be best for you or your family, and it’s certainly not the best investment of your energy for your community.
Historically, communities and societies formed around women who focus on sisterhood rather than romantic love are stronger. Children do better in community structures like that than they do in traditional families, where traditional gender roles separate women from other women in community sisterhood.
Communities of women parenting create environments where children thrive, enveloped in a network of love, connection, and safety. I am not saying that fatherhood is irrelevant or unimportant. Fathers are essential. However, in matriarchal structures, fatherhood is often more satisfying because mothers are held and cared for in the community, creating less emotional burden on fathers, who can then be more emotionally present and available for their children.
It is time to stop fixating on romantic relationships with men and invest in collective relationships with women. Our obsession with finding romantic partnerships with men keeps us tied to patriarchal patterns and focused on pursuits that waste our time, like seeking the approval of the male gaze. The relentless pursuit of male attention does not make our lives and communities stronger; sisterhood does.
In a fractured world full of chaos and uncertainty, there is a sanctuary of strength: the sisterhood of women. These bonds, woven through shared histories, whispered secrets, and unwavering support, are the bedrock of our resilience and communities. Nurturing sisterhood is not merely a luxury; it is a necessity if we want to dismantle the patriarchy.
When we are united in sisterhood, women become a force of nature. These connections are potent with a fierce and tender strength that holds us in our darkest hours and celebrates us in our brightest moments. In the safety and company of our sisters, we find the generational wisdom of the many women who came before us. These friendships are not just important; they are essential to our well-being.
Research and lived experience show that women are happier when they have strong female friendships. These relationships provide a sanctuary where we can be our most vulnerable but profoundly capable selves, free from seeking the approval and acceptance of men.
Sisterhood is the foundation of community care. In times of fragility, when the fabric of society is stretched thin, the bonds between women hold us together. These relationships form webs of support that catch those who fall, providing the necessary care and compassion to those in need. This care has historically flowed from the hearts of women who work together.
In a world that often seeks to divide us and pit us against one another, nurturing these friendships becomes an act of rebellion. It is a declaration that we will not be torn apart, that we will stand together, stronger and more resilient. These bonds are a testament to the power of unity, a beacon of hope in times of darkness.
When we nurture these friendships, we not only enrich our own lives but also strengthen our families, our communities, and our society as a whole. The bonds between women are a force for good, a source of unwavering support and love. Let us cherish these relationships, for in them lies the true power to transform our world.
Lisa M. Hayes is also the editor and chief of Confluence Daily.
Lisa is also an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is also the founder of The Coaching Guild where the world’s best coaches are trained.
