A Relationship Will Only Make You More of What You Were When You Were Single
By: Lisa M. Hayes – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.
A relationship will amplify not fix.
Anna is a Type A woman who seems to have it all together. She has a beautiful home in the perfect neighborhood. She has amazing friends she sees occasionally and they get some really great Instagram photos. She’s been on great vacations to amazing destinations. She has a dog walker, a housekeeper, a yard person, and a personal assistant.
And she has those things because she doesn’t have time for her dog, to enjoy her beautiful home, to do any of her own gardening, (even though she says it’s her hobby), or to manage her own personal stuff. Truthfully, she doesn’t have the time to do much of anything. That great career of hers takes up almost all of her time. Anna is the executive producer for a large market local news show. She works more than sixty hours a week, every week. She’s up at 4:30 a.m. and often doesn’t get home until after 7 p.m. Then she usually works another couple of hours from home prepping for the next day.
When she takes those rare vacations to those amazing destinations, she spends most of her time catching up on her sleep by pulling the blinds in her luxury hotel and crashing – for days. On her last trip, she went to Thailand. She went to the beach once and bought souvenirs at the airport on the way home.
Anna’s health is slipping. Her doctor told her recently she might have chronic fatigue syndrome instead of telling her she might need to slow down. Her friendships are drifting. Her well-walked dog has become really destructive in her home, tearing things apart and chewing through furniture regularly.
Oh, yeah, then there’s Jonah, her boyfriend. They’ve been together for almost a year, and when I say together, that’s kind of up for interpretation.
Jonah is also busy, as in really busy, with his friends, and his sailing club, and his part-time job as a day trader.
Anna sees Jonah maybe once a week, sometimes just for lunch, and sometimes they go days and days without seeing each other. He does frequently show up about 11:00 at night, you know, for some intimate time. This isn’t easy for Anna given her morning schedule. However, she puts up with it because they have to make the time when they can.
Last week Jonah forgot Anna’s bday. Anna is thinking about breaking up with him because clearly, something is wrong with Jonah.
Gwen manages a yoga studio for her sister. Gwen’s sister Kate is like a daily walking magazine spread of fabulousness. Kate is tall, thin, fit, and gorgeous. Gwen has always felt like the ugly duckling sister, virtually invisible in her sister’s shadow.
At 115 pounds soaking wet, Gwen has always felt fat. She diets relentlessly but rarely takes a yoga class even though they are happening all day long around her. Although Gwen has a degree in Advanced Mathematics and a teaching certificate, she has never been able to hold down a “real job” and feels like a failure. She has plenty of time to contemplate that sitting behind the desk at the yoga studio watching all the other gorgeous, fit, spiritual women floating in and out like angels in spandex.
Gwen doesn’t want to grow old and die alone. That’s why she can’t imagine her life without Tony. Tony is a physical therapist at a sports injury clinic. He’s nearly perfect on paper, but in person, he’s not always easy to be around. Tony is a critical perfectionist. He is especially critical of Gwen. He routinely jokes about her “baby fat”, he monitors and provides “feedback” on everything she eats. They’ve been together for almost four years but Tony tells her he can’t marry her because she doesn’t make enough money. He calls her a financial liability.
Tony says he loves Gwen, but you can’t see it in his behavior and she doesn’t know why anyone would love her anyway.
A few days ago Tony called her fat and stupid in front of his friends. When she told her sister about that Kate almost demanded that Gwyn breakup with him on the spot, but Gwyn just can’t do it. She feels lucky not to be “alone” even though she always feels deeply and profoundly lonely.
Here’s the thing: It doesn’t matter what you want. Really. We all want happy, healthy, wonderful relationships and joyful experiences. However, you will attract what you’re flowing. The Universe isn’t going to put you on bubblewrap just because you’re not in a good place. We are always creating and manifesting. That’s not a switch you flip on and off. You are always attracting what you’re putting out there.
Making time for everything and everyone but yourself, you’re likely going to attract other people who don’t prioritize you.
Loath yourself and roll through life with a pitifully low bar self-esteem? If you end up in a relationship you’ll end up with someone who treats you like you aren’t worthy of good things because you suck.
We get the relationships we’re aligned with, period. So, if you don’t love yourself and your life you will attract a relationship that amplifies both of those things. If you aren’t where you want to be, you aren’t going to find someone else to get you there. You’ll find someone who keeps you stuck, or worse, moving backwards further into a bad vibration.
The best advice I’ve got for any single person is:
Fix yourself before you get into a relationship.
Seriously.
And if you’re not going to do the work, I’d skip the relationship line. If you’re not enjoying your life, you won’t enjoy the relationship ride either.
More by Lisa:
Spiritual Skills to Master That Go Way Beyond “Love and Light”
Lisa is an LOA Relationship Coach. She helps clients leverage Law of Attraction to get the relationships they dream about and build the lives they want. Lisa is the author of the newly released hit book, Score Your Soulmate and How to Escape from Relationship Hell and The Passion Plan.
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