There’s No Way To Win That War You’re Fighting

July 26, 2018 Confluence

Reading Time: 3 minutes

By: Jo Anna Dane – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.

In this whole personal growth/spiritual journey shebang, it’s easy to use what we’ve been taught to divide our internal experiences up into right and wrong. Good and bad. Ego driven and spiritual.

I mean, we all know how it should be, right?

So we try to fix all the issues that fall on the wrong side of the equation.

Experiences like anger, getting attaching, comparing ourselves to others, victimhood, negativity, control, shame, and jealousy are “bad”. They are “not spiritual”.
They need to be “dealt with”.

When these experiences show up in our lives we go into fix-it mode, ready to pounce on whatever is causing this aberration from how we have decided things should be.

So we set off on a journey to make it all better.

We dig deep and shame the negativity into hiding.
We push away the dark and icky in favor of something much more palatable.
We wonder why the yuck keeps rising up.

Hadn’t we had dealt with it already?

Spinning in pain, we silently making ourselves wrong.

We pile more shame upon the old shame because we know better.

Or we should.

It is easy to get tangled in the quicksand of wanting to be good, right, spiritual…and not knowing how to get there.

Our strategy is to make it better by yelling at whatever part of ourselves seems to be the cause of our troubles. We do our best to beat ourselves into submission. The whole time, we feel terrible…which only adds to the hunt to fix what must be broken.

And you know what? It’s fine.

That way of being with yourself is totally fine.
As is the anger. The control. The comparing.
Even, your desire to wage war against yourself is ok.

It’s all ok.

Even the voices that say “Nope! Not Ok”, they are ok too.

The way out of the struggle is not win the war…because you are only fighting yourself. There is no way to win.

The way out is to stop fighting.

The way out is to accept what is going on – to not make it bad, wrong or evil.

The way out is to love yourself as you are.

And then make a choice that serves who you are in the best way possible.

Shaming yourself because you’re doing or experiencing something that doesn’t fall into a mythical book of rules doesn’t make the original problem go away.
It just gives you more to fight.
I’m not saying that you stay stuck in a life that isn’t in your pleasure. Instead, I’m suggesting that you stop making the stuck the most horrid thing that could happen.

Try making it ok. Can you do that?

Accept the stuck. Accept the anger. Accept the wanting to control.
Love each and every piece of your wonderful self as you are.

Right now.

This is your life, your human experience.
It is messy. It is wild. It is awesome.

Sometimes it will all fall into some beautiful balance.
Sometimes, not so much.

Whatever is going on within you, you get to accept it.

In acceptance, you get to stop fighting and choose.
In acceptance, you can make pleasure- and truth-filled choices that support you in awesome ways.

You can step out of the way of the war,

and deeper into the full recognition of your wholeness.

I’d call that a win, wouldn’t you?

More by: Jo Anna

Let’s Talk About Lack. Because We Must.

Hi! I’m Jo Anna. Jo Anna Dane, MA if we’re being fancy.

I believe the purpose of life is to have an amazing human experience. One where we honor the invitations of our Soul, end the war within and step into the fullness of our being. I work Root to Core to Crown, helping people destroy old stories, create new grooves and become who they have always been. I guide folks in 40 day inner explorations where we heal those big old “if only” issues and live in the embodiment of our truth. I’ve also created a revelatory dance & movement practice called RootCoreCrown.

I love to cook, to write and work on puzzles.
And…I know the secret to the perfect s’more.

My website is :http://joannadane.com/

You can friend me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joannadanerothman

Learn more about The RootCoreCrown Dance Practice: https://www.facebook.com/RootCoreCrownDance

Or find me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/fatgirlcooks/

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