HOW TO FIND RELIEF IN THREE AGONIZING STEPS

July 26, 2018 Confluence

Reading Time: 4 minutes

Relief.

You know the feeling, when that thing you were dreading ended, or got canceled, or turned out to be nothing serious.

A few years ago I was all the way across the country when I saw a friend’s post on Facebook asking, “Does anyone know the name of the cyclist that was hit by a car on River Road this morning?”

At the time my youngest son was a semi-pro cyclist and he trained on that stretch of highway almost daily. I was instantly overtaken with panic.

Within a few seconds, a million terrible, bloody thoughts raced through my mind. “No, No, No”, my mind was screaming. I dialed his cell phone, no answer. I dialed the house, no answer. I dialed my other son, who answered to say that his brother had ridden that morning but was home, safe, and in the shower.

Relief! He was okay. My body relaxed as the panic subsided.

But then the panic was replaced by another uncomfortable emotion…anger. Anger directed towards the hit-and-run driver that left a cyclist for dead on the side of the road. And worry – who was this other cyclist? Was it someone I knew? And were they okay? Did they survive the accident? Thankfully, the injured cyclist was alive and taken to the hospital by some good Samaritans who saw him in time. Again I experienced the feeling of relief. The cyclist was in good hands, they were being treated, they were going to be okay.

It is possible to not only recognize the feeling of relief, but also to learn how to produce it. Here though, is the caveat – feeling relief from the pain or uncomfortable emotion is quicker and easier when we allow our self to feel the pain or uncomfortable emotion.

We rarely do this. Instead we resist the pain or emotion by pushing it down (“I’m not crying! You’re crying!”), distracting our self (Ice cream!! Pie!! Ice cream AND Pie!!), denying that it exists (“I’m fine”), numbing ourselves (“Make mine a double.”)

That painful feeling. That uncomfortable emotion. We run from it. We bolt.

Pema Chodron, author and Buddhist nun, once said, “Never underestimate the inclination to bolt.”

When I hear a client tell me they feel relief, I know that whatever action produced the relief was more than likely the perfect choice for them at that moment. And even more so when we factor in conscious creation, or magic, or the “law of attraction” – because relief signifies non-resistance, and non-resistance is imperative to magic – and also, peace.

So I want to give you these three steps. Yes, those three agonizing steps. (They’re agonizing because you really just want to bolt!)

Recognize the feeling of relief – start becoming aware of what you are feeling in your body when you experience it. Memorize that feeling.
Recognize the feeling of resistance – again, awareness (without judgment!) – what does resistance feel like in your body? For me, it’s a feeling of constriction in the area of my solar plexus, or a very slight lifting of my shoulders, a tightening of my jaw. Where do you feel resistance when you are faced with some news you don’t want? What emotions do you often resist? Choose to feel the feelings you’ve been resisting (or denying, numbing, pushing down, bolting from). Give yourself permission to feel them fully. Go all the way.
Remember a time when you felt that amazing feeling of relief? See if you can relive it right now.

Just for a few seconds, remember first whatever it was you were resisting, and then, relief.

Can you feel the resistance and constriction being replaced by nonresistance and relaxation?

In some situations, this progression happens naturally. Like in the situation above where I was freaked out that my son might have been hit by a car, and then felt relief when I found out he was safe.

But what about emotions and feelings that are unrelenting and unable to be resolved by hearing a positive outcome? The sadness of a broken heart, the grief of losing someone we love, the fear of what could happen next?

This is where we find a gift in being able to feel our feelings fully: When we sit with them, when we are able to be curious and non-judgmental about them, when we let them expand, when we give them space to exist, and when we acknowledge them.

Do you know what happens then?

Most often, they dissipate rather quickly. This is because what we resist persists.

Once we allow those feelings to exist and be acknowledged and felt fully, we often realize that the monstrous feeling we’ve worked so hard to resist is really not as bad as we’ve imagined it. It is often more of a shadow than a real monster.

Once we stop resisting we make space for metamorphosis. That ugly caterpillar of sadness, or grief, or fear can be replaced with that beautiful butterfly of relief. Go ahead; give yourself permission to feel everything. Allow yourself to feel relief. There is something beautiful on the way.

More by Cindie:

How to Take Care of Yourself When the World is On Fire

Cindie Chavez is known as “The Love & Magic Coach”. She is the creator of MOONLIGHT™ – A Course in Manifesting Love and she has some great free stuff for you at her website: www.cindiechavez.com