Grown Woman’s Guide to Buying a Sex Toy
By: Elle Stanger
Welcome to a starter’s guide to common sex toys, and a brief introduction of a few lesser known ones. Dildo and vibrator and buttplug are more than just fun words to say!
First: Consider your power source, vibrating toys run the gamut of battery powered, plug-in, rechargeable, or disposable. I strongly suggest avoiding disposable toys because they tend to have short battery lives (like 20 minutes) and contribute to a great deal of waste. If you can afford to go rechargeable or electric (where it plugs into the wall), I support you.
Second: Consider where you are able to use your toy! In the shower only? You’ll need to invest in something waterproof or water-resistant. Waterproof toys boast the ability to go underwater. Water resistant means it is best not to submerge them in water, but the shower should be fine.
Third: how are you wanting to stimulate yourself? Although toys are often categorized into “womens” “mens” “vaginal” or “anal”, you can use any toy for any purpose as a person of any gender. These categories are suggested to assist the buyer in the overwhelming amount and variation of items, but don’t let that suggestion limit your creativity. HOWEVER Do not put anything in your anus that does not have a strong handle or a strong cord, so that you do not “suck” the toy into your rectum and have to visit the ER.
Fourth: You’ve probably already considered the cost; and I always recommend that if you are looking to invest money into a sex toy, you absolutely must try to see the item in-person, if possible. If there are no adult boutique shops in your area, I recommend reading reviews about the function and quality of the toy, and please don’t buy your sex toys from Amazon.
Bullets (Or Eggs) – These small vibrators tend to offer high-speed vibrations at relative power, and can be battery powered, rechargeable, or disposable. When I was a poor 19 year old who couldn’t afford a remote control vibe, I would put the egg part inside of myself and trace the cord through my underwear, outside of my pants, and place the controller in my pocket. This is a great way to get through a very boring task.
Cylinder Vibes – This classic looking toy was my first, and there are reasons it’s so popular. It doesn’t look like a penis, so a lot of people find them to be “cuter” than a more realistic phallus. These toys usually require easy-to-find batteries like AAA, AA or C. Like 70% of cisgender women, I masturbate by rubbing my external parts like my clitoris and labia, but the shape implies penetration. Use it however you wish!
The Wand – Another handy-dandy device, wands tend to be more powerful in vibration and most people probably wouldn’t be able to fit the head inside of them, but hey, you do you boo. Attachments for the head are available, and the only real negatives I hear about this toy are: “It looks big”, “it looks medical”, or “it’s too strong for me”. This is my favorite toy and I use mine in times of happiness and in times of despair, and we’ve had a good relationship for the last 8 years. Rechargeable variations are STRONG too.
Remote Control Vibes – Yes, they exist, and they are a great way to begin your discreet foreplay in a fancy restaurant or club if your boo has the controller. Some brands link to an app which means your partner’s iPhone is the control board.
Inflatable Buttplug – Are you ready to get pumped on this? These can be harder to find, and are great for the person who already discovered that they like butt stuff and doesn’t want to buy several different sized plugs. After comfortable insertion of the deflated plug, you can inflate against the inner walls of your body without putting pressure on your booty-hole. DO NOT OVERPUMP, because that sounds like another potential trip to the ER.
Bike Tire Flogger – Leave it to a couple of queer Washington kinksters to create an eco-friendly and totally hot flogger made of recycled bicycle tires. The material is great for kink activities because rubber is easier to clean and sanitize, and it’s a well-made item. My buttcheeks and inner thighs can attest.
The Womanizer – I haven’t tried this one, but here’s a rave review from one woman:
“This toy is amazing – terrible name, but it’s a game-changer. The Womanizer advertises orgasmic bliss in seconds, and while that might be a bit of an oversell, it delivers very reliable results in much less time than a traditional vibrator. The experience is very different than what I was used to because it does not stimulate through vibration. Its gentle sucking action is a whole different ballgame. However, the results make the slightly higher price point worth it.”
More by Elle:
I Want a Real Polyamorous Relationship With Some Roots and Depth & I Don’t Know Where to Start
Elle Stanger is a queer femme sex worker and parent. Listen to her award-nominated UnzippedPDX podcast on iTunes and find her at stripperwriter.com.
Elle is available for email coaching by appointment at ellestangerpdx@gmail.com.
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