About That Magical Glue You’re Looking For

June 15, 2018 Confluence

Reading Time: 5 minutes

By: Jacqueline Gates – Confluence Daily is your daily news source for women in the know.

I got a private message from a fabulous being – the kind that makes you pull up and pay attention. I got her okay to share it … yay! …. soooooo … fill your teacup and let’s get chatting.

Here’s her question:

“I for one know for certain everyone has a story. My biggest question is ::
How do you appear to have it together with glittery glue when daily my glittery glue seems to not stick?
I cant seem to stay in the held together mode for a 24 hour whole day long…special glue you have perhaps?”
~ Julie

This question really really hit home for me, because for the longest time, I thought I’d missed out on that special glue. That there’d been some kind of uber-awesome-THING I hadn’t found yet, or that ‘they’ hadn’t told me about.

And the very worst part is …
believing that there’s a special glue/golden key/magical ingredient,
keeps one in an endless loop of looking for that glue/key/ingredient
aaannnddd focused on the lack-of-it at the same time.
#doublewhammyofdooooooom

(Thinking about it, it’s very hard not to hit my head repeatedly on the desk right now. lol)

But truly, it’s the kind of pattern that you can’t see because … well, you’re IN it.
It needs to be mirrored back to you.
Which is why coaches have coaches and if you’re in this loop, you probably need a coach too.

But in the meantime, here are a couple of DIY Un-Looping strategies that I’ve found very helpful

First …

Repeat after me:
NOBODY HAS IT ALL TOGETHER, ALL THE TIME!

Nobody.
And if they look like they do, they’re either lying or just not showing you everything.

The second reason is more likely than the first.
How do I know?
Because of the very question that started this whole conversation.

From what Julie has seen of me, she believes that I have it all together, 24 hours a day.

I don’t.

Yes, it’s true that I have an utterly FAHbulous life … I have a job that I love + I’m making a difference in the world + I make 300% more than I used to a year ago + I have a husband who adores me.

But it’s taken me a loooooonnngg time to get here (ie it’s NOT an overnight transformation) and it doesn’t mean that I don’t have down-days or things I’m struggling with. (I might be a goddess but I am a human goddess)

The key here is that y’all don’t get to see my whole life.
You only see the bits I choose to make visible.

And you can be damn sure the same thing goes for most other leaders too.

Of course, we’re going to share our successes and the things we’ve mastered. But the stuff that gets us all wobbly or that we’re still working through/wrestling-with/hiding-from? That crap only gets uncovered/explored/pounded-to-smithereens with an innermost circle of coaches, mentors and other wildly wise people.

Then, we’ve got it all sorted out, only then will we share it on Facebook or on a blog.
In hindsight.
As a done deal.
From a position of strength-regained.

I’ll only share with the world when I can educate, entertain or enlighten, because, seriously, there’s enough wailing and whining and woe-is-me shared on the airwaves already, don’t you agree?

As I’ve got more intimate with high-achieving movers + shakers, I’ve found that most of them do the same… which is precisely why it appears that we have it all together.

Y’all only get to see the spiffy-shiny star turns. Very very seldom the backstage chaos + meltdowns + endless backbreaking rehearsals.

Social media has given us an unprecedented window into other people’s lives but please remember, it’s still a veryvery small window.

The very very worst thing you can do to yourSelf and your dreams is to compare your WholeDamnLife to the teeny-tiny snippets you are allowed to see of others’.

It’s like comparing their HIGHLIGHT REEL to your outtakes!

So just stop it, ok?

This is precisely why, right from the beginning, I decided to go all TMI and behind-the-scenes on you all.

Because I know two things for sure:
1. Comparisonitus will kill your dreams and suck your energy.
2. You don’t have time for that crap.

So here’s your Recipe for Major Un-Looping:

First, when the wobblies hit, remind yourself that this is part of the process and part of the progress too. Be gentle with yourself.

Take a healthy handful of appreciation. Or several. Your life is probably already better than you think it is. You’re almost certainly richer than you think you are. Find the good stuff. Focus on it. Celebrate it. That’s how it gets better.

Understand that when you notice someone doing what-you-yearn-to-be-doing, that’s a sign that you’re very very close. (In Abraham circles, that’s called ‘driftwood’ … the little signs that old-time sailors used to look for to know they’re getting closer to land.) Noticing the driftwood brings more in.

Remind yourself of how far you’ve come and shift your focus back to where you’re going.

Do some Future-Present journaling – write as though you’re already are where you aim to be

Write a love letter to your Future, thanking it for being so awesome – this reconnects you to your Best Self and your goals

Go clean something, declutter something – release the old to make way for the new. Intentional Nesting works like a charm, btw. I know, ‘cos I invented it.

Get moving – yoga, a walk, even 5 deep belly breaths will get you renewed + reactivated + repurposed.

Create something – art or sewing or baking or words … it doesn’t matter the medium, reconnect with your Power, your YOU-ness and turn that energy outward into something tangible.

Strike a Super Hero Pose for 5 minutes. Because your body language shapes who you are. (I’m not kidding. It works.)

And finally, thank the object-of-your-envy for being in your awareness (you might just like to keep this in your head or journal, btw), because now you know what’s possible and you’re that much closer to it.

Then go off and do thatthingyoudo.

Because … you know …. no-one else can. And we’re kinda all waiting over here.

PS ThatThingYouDo?
The world needs it.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t have that gift.
Never ever think otherwise.

More by Jacqueline:

Turning Chores And Routines, into Rehearsal and Ritual

Totally Transform Your Whole Life + Biz With This One (Delicious) Practice

YOUR HOUSE CAN HELP YOU LOSE WEIGHT

Jacqueline Gates has mastered the art of applying theatrical skills to anchor and amplify the manifesting technique known as acting-as-if. Because when you begin LIVING-as-if you already are who you secretly dream of becoming, it won’t stay a secret very long.